U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize