since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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