If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
