I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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