Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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