We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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