he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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