Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.

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(310): View more from California

I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"

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(407): View more from Florida

I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance

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(831): View more from California

dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party

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(847): View more from Illinois

I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin

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