My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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