Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
