If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
