the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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