do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
