Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
