defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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