Nicole vs. Life
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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