So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
