i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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