at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
