I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
