This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
