a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
