I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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