the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
