I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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