Got a toothbrush?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
