***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
