My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
