I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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