Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
North Korea, Best Korea!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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