You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
