just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
