Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
