hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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