Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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