Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
