Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
