taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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