I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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