should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
