it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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