Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
