he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
