What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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