drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
