she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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