I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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