The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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