I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
