Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
