i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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