You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
