Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
