I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
