he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
