I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
