So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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