my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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