Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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