So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Say something about gay babies.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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