I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
