I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
