Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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