he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize