Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
