i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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