i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
