Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
