Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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