Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
