i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
