fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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