i think i have herpe
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"