the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid