I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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