I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.