Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
