My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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