Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
